Minutes d’amour avec Marie
– Courrier spirituel –
I like the Army of Mary very much, but I cannot follow all its activities; you will understand why as you read what follows.
I have been married for thirty years. I have always been shy, and I too made mistakes before getting married. But, since our wedding day, I have been faithful to my husband, for, in my eyes, the sacrament of marriage is sacred. For a year now, things have not been going well at all in our marriage. My husband, having become a pagan, no longer wants to believe in God or the sacraments, even if he tells me that he sometimes prays.
He goes out more and more, does not come home to sleep on weekends. He drinks. I can’t tell you all the sorrow I have felt, without knowing anything of his life. It was terrible! I have said lots of prayers, I have shed many a tear. Now, I do not know anymore… I accept everything because I am a believer; and God helps me, I’m sure of that.
A year ago, I wanted to find out from him why he was acting this way. What I learned upset me.
He admitted having begun to be unfaithful to me two years after our marriage, and his life has continued that way. He succeeded in hiding everything from me. He has had a son who is twenty-five and a daughter who is fourteen outside of wedlock. And he has never stopped lying to me. I face all that, at times stoically, without a reaction, while at other times I think of seeking revenge. It is horrible, appalling! He does not know how to change his conduct and can no longer face up to the situation. He has disowned his brothers and sisters and my entire family whom he nevertheless loved, and he no longer wants to go out with his friends, for they do not agree with all he has done. He drinks and takes valium. I too should be far away. He was wicked, and I offered that we begin anew, telling him that I forgave him everything.
No, he is lost in vice and continues to “run around”. It is awful to see a life unfold in this way. He comes back and cries, saying that he is unhappy and that he would like to do better. He has no willpower to get out of it, to see himself as he is, in order, one day, to repent. He must not die in that condition which is pitiful from every point of view.
Those who do not know him could never suspect that such a drama exists in our life. He is a good-looking man, calm and shy. He drinks because he can no longer face the evil he has done; on the other hand, he refuses the help offered him. Sometimes, the fact of living with him disgusts me; on the other hand, I do not have the strength to “send him packing” or to live elsewhere, for I feel that I am his only source of help. He says he still loves me, but he is even embarrassed to look at me. As for me, I have only one desire, that of his return to God so that he may see himself clearly. He is so weak that he is constantly falling again. I ask for the help of the prayers of all those who will read me. Help me save my husband.
This cry of alarm, “help me” echoes incessantly on the planet, today, not only in families in distress from a moral or physical point of view, but at all levels of society and in all areas.
Far from us the thought of judging such a painful situation in which, on the one hand, we see the strength of soul in the sublimity of forgiveness, and on the other, the thoughtlessness, the helplessness and the slavery brought about by passions.
At the sight of such a picture, can we still believe in “human fulfillment” in “freedom”, in a love of self pushed to the point of contempt of others, in contempt of God’s laws? The “freedom” clamored for by the protagonists of sex and the strange “human fulfillment” so sought after today, do they not lead instead to a most painful slavery, not only for the victims themselves, but also for all those around them?
The refusal of the moral norms, that sustain and enlighten the human will, obscures the intelligence and it quickly forgets the fundamental values, stripping it of that critical sense which protects the man or the woman, at the time, of all kinds of attacks by the Evil One. For, we must not hide the fact that, at one time or another and sometimes every day, we are subjected to those physical phenomena that plague us unrelentingly, for life is a perpetual combat.
Some say they are weak in the face of temptation. The weakness comes from the fall, and the more falls there are, the more the weakness is accentuated. A being can only measure his strength in combat. The more he resists, the stronger he becomes.
The greatest saints were the ones who were tempted the most. Saint Paul said: “Who will deliver me from this body of death?” Many saints mortified their flesh in a deeply moving manner; for example, Saint Francis of Assisi rolled himself in a rosebush. Since that time, this rosebush no longer has any thorns, and pilgrims are invited to see this for themselves when they visit Assisi. No one escapes the force of temptations that occur at one time or another. Unfortunately, so many pictures, so many movies, so many seducing propositions… compromise the dignity of the human being.
When, in the formation given to young people, the educators – be they parents or teachers – have not accustomed the child to give worth to all God has given it and to use it according to the laws He has set, well then, we soon see a worrisome degeneracy affecting our generations, from the youngest to the oldest, weighing them down with an enormous burden which they cannot bear. When the accumulated sins have allowed passions to take too strong a hold as opposed to the wholesome beauty, the truth, the dignity, the nobleness and genuine love, the result is slavery along the path of corruption.
“You will know them by their deeds,” the Gospel tells us (Mt 7:16).What to we see today? Letters like yours are multiplied by the thousands; there are broken homes or parents weeping over their disillusioned or even unnatural children, etc. The sword of sorrow is cutting through hearts. But all that seems desperate to men is not so for God. You have understood this and have placed your trust in Him.
In your distress, you are still able to have recourse to the powerful weapon of prayer which spreads its balm over the wounds and heals them. Prayer is the all-powerful act which places the forces of heaven at man’s disposal.
Your pain is atrocious, but, being accepted well, it uplifts you. Humanly speaking, you are broken, but spiritually transformed. In your prayer, there mounts a quiet and fervent appeal, filled with hope. You have understood that, in the man you married, there is his soul which God entrusted to you.
So you are living in detachment and you meet the cross with courage and serenity, knowing full well that your life now lies at a more elevated level than that of the flesh or the feelings.
What good would it do you to act as your husband does and to find in this only the illusion of a ephemeral happiness? And you have understood this, even if it does not, for all that, take away the concerns, the burden, the pain and the bitter disappointment.
A look of love upon Him who is Love and an entire life is transformed by it. He hears the heartrending calls and fulfills them in another way. Thus, you will be humanly broken but spiritual consoled.
The mystery of love that renders the yoke easy and the burden light!
Believe in the benefits of the Mystical Body of Christ. You will experience its marvels if you continue to live in true love, the witness and proof of the ideal of loyalty which you wish to pursue in charity towards the one who is more unhappy than one might think and who, we hope, will benefit from God’s mercy.
(Paper “Le Royaume”, no. 44)